working out

Post 3: Things that make me happy

I read somewhere, probably on Pinterest...

"I never regret doing it, but I always regret not doing it."

This is exactly what motivates me each morning.

Some of my motivators.

• The way I feel after a workout
• The fact I have a healthy body that is capable of working out
• Boosts all kinds of happy brain chemicals
• Being an example for my kids (even though I am asked why I work out in my PJs when the other fit people on my DVD are wearing cute spandex-or why I am breathing so hard)
• Understanding my athletes @ work

just to name a few.

It had been a while since I had worked out. From the 9-ish months of trying to have baby one, each month not knowing if there was a baby and how much activity I could do.
Then there was of course, pregnancy & lack of energy from nursing...then SURPRISE we were almost 3 months pregnant & I was nursing (aha moment of why I had no energy).
So then...pregnancy & nursing again.
Then having two infants and trying to find a time or even a place to work out.
The gym cost money-and I surely pay enough in student loans to know I have the background to do my own planning.

So came January, a time of renewing ourselves. I will hesitate to call this a resolution, but maybe it was.
I decided I was going to do something, because a little something was better than nothing!

So here is what I have finally found works for me.
I began by finding some great exercises from Pinterest & from personal experience of working out in the past-oh and that I have a degree in exercise science helps :)
From Jan-March I did this about 3 times/week. Waking up before the girls-which was NOT easy & did not always work. Therefore I sometimes squeezed this in during nap time. But that was always stressful, thinking my jumping around would wake them up. But I persevered!
Then a great friend leant me a Jillian Michaels DVD series that is awesome!
I can hardly believe I can even type this now.
*But I have been working out 6 days a week for the past 12 weeks-only missing one day!*
(disclaimer, I have been stretching this program out and am planning on finishing up in the next 6-ish weeks)
Every day I wake up, thinking...do I really have the time/energy and 8/10 days I do not feel like I can do it, but I get up and do it-because I know the feeling of not doing it, feels far worse than doing it!

Things that help...
I sleep in my workout clothes..that means all I have to do in the morning is stand up & put my shoes on.
I have a plan...this time around a DVD that I don't have to think about. I just turn it on and go!
I wake up at the same time every single day (with the exception of Sundays..yah for 4:00 church!), but now my body is used to it & I hardly need to set my alarm.
I do it in the morning, so I don't procrastinate about doing it all day long.

The best thing about my plan, is I don't have to add driving somewhere to my workout time, I can workout in my PJs if I want, even if I am breathing heavier than Jillian!! ha ha!

So not to boast...but it's amazing how much joy you can get from exercise!
Now to keep going...and stay motivated!

the brunette & the blonde

clearly I am not a blogger...I had all intention of posting for 30 days about things that make me happy.
But then..I got tired.
So maybe I should say "my next 30 posts" will be about things that make me happy.
Because clearly I have a fear of commitment with this blog :)

Post 2: Things that make me happy.


My girls. Noel Mae & Mila Eve
They are the light of my days.
They are so full of energy-they steal all of mine.
They never cease to amaze (good or bad) the things they do, they say.
They make me laugh, make me cry (in joy and exhaustion, in love and frustration).
But they are my whole heart.
They are beautiful & smart & funny & spunky.
My little babies :)

Being a mom is intense. ALL THINGS INTENSE
Intense love
Intense commitment
Intense fatigue
Intense joy

I could go on an on, but really I barely have time to type this super quick post because, well, I'm a mom of 2 children age 3 & 22 months.

Since having kids I forget what it's like to have a decent conversation on the phone, or eat a meal at peace, or socialize at a party or event. Or talk to my husband?? -at least before 9:30pm. I never stop picking up things around the house, or changing outfits, or doing dishes.
...or giving hugs, or kisses, or reading books, or singing

my girls make me happy :)

my other half

He is my constant reminder that God has great things planned for me,
good gifts to bless me with.

my husband makes my life happier.

sometimes I feel like we get caught up in a world that likes to complain about our spouse. what could they do better, what they are not doing?

are we asking ourselves those same questions for our sig other? or just about them?

communication.  E S S E N T I A L.

when we are rolling we work like an awesome team.

wrangling toddlers, laundry, cleaning...sometimes even painting! (happy mother's day to me :)

it's not perfect, it's relationship. it takes work (sometimes)
he works hard.
he loves our girls.
he cares about me in addition to loving me.
he is my home, no matter where we live.

he is always perfect for me.

Refreshed

You go through phases in life.
Some you feel energized and motivated
Some you feel tired and exhausted and stuck in a dead end.

I was in number 2 for a while. What could I attribute this to?
toddlers, long winter, busy husband...the list could go on and on and on.....

I finally decided that everyone in my life would be happier, if I were happier.
That meant I needed NEEDED to find a place in my -no time for anything- life, for me, that was just for me!

Looking at my life I thought, I am blessed! I should be happier now than I have ever been.
How do I make the should into am?

There will always be ups and downs through all we go through. and since even starting this draft I have been up & down, but that's life.

For the next 30 days I'm going to blog about things that make me happy!

Here we go!

How waking up early, reading, Jillian Micheals, and YNAB...and lots of other things make me happy...

the burden of criticism.
it penetrates so deeply.
is so hurtful.

To Whom It May Concern:
Instead of judging so harshly the decisions I make,
Would it not be better and more encouraging for all involved to take a different route?

Sometimes I need to hear. (or at least would like to hear). Because I believe I had something to do with this.

"Wow, your kids are amazing, and smart, and healthy, and so loved."

"You must be such a great mom! What a great job you are doing with your kids!"

making judgement from outside my heart and head, the tough decisions that I make for the best of me. that includes what is best for my family.

Tell me I'm doing a good job.
Build me up.
Don't break me down.

folly

Proverbs 14

29

He who is slow to anger has great understanding,

But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

30

A tranquil heart is life to the body,

But passion is rottenness to the bones.

void

I seek you
I find light
then there is void
I put my faith in you
I feel your presence
then nothings.
Why do you come and then leave my heart aching?
Sometimes as the saying goes. "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."
But I wonder how true this is?
If you have never loved, you have only imagined love
If you have truly experienced love-and then lost it. THAT is soul crushing
We may be lonely if we have not loved.
But at least we are not crushed.
But I can only speak of a heart that has loved
that has loved deeply. what void would I feel is worse?
the void of love.
or
the void of lost love.
which crushes our spirits more?
God I seek of you THIS answer.
I know that I have not lost love deeply
for I can only morbidly imagine the blow to my being that would be.
but any love that is present, then gone-leaves longing
is this all you want from us?
to be longing for love?
that is our existence
that is all we crave
all we truly need
love.
do not withhold your love any longer
do not allow us to suffer in this place. any longer!
why must we battle a fight that is already won?
If it is won, why must we continue to put on our armor to lift up our shield and sword?
Are we not invincible because of YOUR sacrifice?
Remove us from this evil place. Our evil souls
and bring us to a place where we can finally experience TRUE, UNENDING, LOVE.

Why do I suffer over choice- to come to an answer, that is the one I cannot have?
With so much evil and deceit how do we separate from our evil selves and hear only your sweet voice?
I seek you with little patience. forgive me
I long for blessings upon blessings. forgive me
I yearn to get ahead, yet you call us to be last. forgive me.
I ask for what I feel I deserve but you do not deliver that. thank you. and forgive me.
Let you will be done and your kingdom come

analysis

we battle through this life-
we try to be IN this world & not OF it
we know this is not our eternity, yet we're here, for God knows (respectfully) how long. 

so we stumble in the darkness searching for some light.
sometimes I feel like God doesn't answer- He just teaches

Seek Him only and all else will fall into place.

Surrender to His will & your desires will be fulfilled. 

6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. 10After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 11To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. [1 Peter 5:6-11]

Wow this is good for today! 
Teach me. Amen. 

Half full

While at work today I read this...
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill

distraction

How do we know what is God's opportunity vs what is a distraction?
It's being relational with God. 
You know if you heard someone say something about a friend, you would know if it were true because you know the character of your friend.
Why do I question the character of God?

I read this today...

Do you want to know God’s plan for your life? Are you willing to say yes to it before you really know what it is? Hmmm, that’s a hard question, isn’t it? Somewhere we got the idea that God puts things on a menu board and gives us the privilege of selecting those things we prefer.

That’s not how it works. God doesn’t give us a list of possibilities from which to choose; He gives us specific instructions. God wants to do incredible things in your life. He is waiting for you to have an attitude of unconditional obedience. If you want to evaluate the options before making a decision, you’ll continue living the way you are living.

It feels like such a contrast to what I typed yesterday.
This brings confusion and distraction. 
My friend says..."God takes you the easiest way you'll go"
I do believe that God provides opportunity, that doesn't mean that He doesn't want us to choose a certain path. But it teaches us to seek Him, to learn His character, recognize His voice, His truth. 

I started my Facebook fast on Thursday-writing a post of my career history and desires
Friday [the next day] the full-time job was posted.
I started a Pinterest fast on Monday-that night I learned I had an interview the following day.
RESPONSE to fasting.... & then a curve ball...an offer for part-time <-Enter confusion here.
So is this an opportunity to evaluate my desires? Or is this confusion?
years of wanting something get muffled in a days notice? typing makes me feel like the answer is easy & clear.
If I follow my desires, it will place me where God wants me to be. 
As soon as I begin to verbalize my decision, confusion comes....
Today the pursuit will be after God!

decision

God is so creative. He is provisional with opportunity.

He knows the plans he has set out for us.
I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.." [Jeremiah 29:11 the message]

Yet, He still allows for our free will.
Even in a world full of mistakes, He loves us enough to give us options.
Allows us to make decisions

"Life is full of tough choices, isn't it?"-Ursula/The Little Mermaid

What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. 
[Matthew 6: 30-33ish the message]

purging

Although this word seems un-appealing, it truly is a peace-maker de-stresser, make life easier thing.
I truly believe that we should always be in a constant mind state of  'purging' the un-neeeded in our lives. Re-evaluated what is needed, what is useful & what would be more useful somewhere else to someone else. Sometimes that may even be decomposing in the ground somewhere.
I have this fear, this fear of accumulating too many things. I actually get this strange anxiety when things (new, used, hand-me-downs) enter my home. There are so many times I look around and think. "where oh where did all this stuff come from"
believe me.
having kids.
makes this harder.
(but doesn't having kids make everything harder better) :)

I suppose I am mostly talking about material things that we let clog up the arteries of our homes.
But don't other non-material things also clog up our thoughts, our day?
i.e. worrying, over-analyzing, judging others...insert appropriate scripture here :)

I cleaned out my closet, this is so exhilarating, wow I'm an exciting person, I know...I'm 30 now!
It's almost like getting a new wardrobe! who am I kidding, it's nothing like getting a new wardrobe, getting a new wardrobe would be like finding out you won the fashion lottery!....but err it still feels pretty good.

I'm always in the mindset, apologies to my sweet husband...of cleaning up and cleaning out!
next on my list is the attic!

But I think we need to take time to evaluate our thoughts and what needs to be cleaned out. What are things we make ourselves believe. Make ourselves feel like we need-or things that just make us feel.
I always say this little prayer. "God take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to you"
I might almost be making it a religious thing, but it does make me stop-thinking, and start listening, and it's like God purges my mind.

Takes me thoughts captive.
Makes them obedient to His will-to His desires for me, His daughter, His princess, His Loved.

God can be very gentle and quiet.
if we just rid the clutter, the analyzing the worrying the lies we tell ourselves or let others tell us
He's there, telling us-I'm here for you. I'll give you all you need, and often His answers are far more simple than we try to make them.
He is never too little, He is never excess....He is enough.

Facebook Fast

So it has come to this. Do you ever sit down and realize how much you turn a simple habit into something that you must do over and over again, simply out of routine rather than reason?
With the new year and new lists and goals...came things I couldn't control to change. Waiting for a full-time job.
I have been waiting what feels like centuries for a full-time job. Actually...let's back track some.
Senior year of college you start to realize, this is it! Your blank slate of what you want to be when you grow up is now filled with lots of LONG hours of studying and almost a degree..in a field that's at least somewhat specific to what your going to do in reality.
For me, it gave me doubts, is this really what I want to do? now that I don't have as many options?
Of course you can always change-but does that mean starting all over?..so you push through, you finish, you graduate! Hooray!
My first gig as an athletic trainer was as a graduate assistant at the University I attended, while getting my Master's degree from another State University about 4 hours away, online. It was great, and I loved it! It made me remember why I loved being an athletic trainer, why I loved working in sports medicine.
That was a one year deal while I completed my degree and then I moved on to a high school position-let's make this a short story.
This was not my calling. As much as I loved working with the athletes, the hours (opposite of that of my teacher husband) were very trying for me and were making my life outside of work unenjoyable to say the least. God made it very clear at the end of this school year, that this was not where I was going to be the next year. There was a contract change with the school district and my employer -and I was gone. This was a GOOD thing!
I spent 6 months trying to rediscover what my passions were, what I wanted in a job-of course the whole time applying for job in a small town without a lot of opportunity. I battled the "your over qualified for this position, and we need someone that will be here long term" or "you don't have quite the right experience for this position."  Then finally....FINALLY I got a job as an office assistant in a family physician office. It was a temporary position for them, as someone was out for surgery. So it met a need for them, and for me. It was a great experience. I got to work with a different type of medicine and reminded me what I loved. Working with people to help them feel and get better, to be able to do the things they loved to do. They ended up keeping me on per diem.
Not so long after being there I started working as a per diem athletic trainer in a nearby hospital as a clinical athletic trainer. This was the best of both worlds, it was working in a clinical setting like the office assistant job, but being able to use my education and be back working with physically active patients!
All the more setting the scene of what I was passionate about doing.
Then I took a leap....I was going to go back and take the classes I needed to apply to PA (Physician Assistant) school. AND more importantly I DID IT!!!
I LOVED my classes Microbio and Genetics being my favorites...crazy enough I even loved statistics!
Through this we became (planned) pregnant with our little peanut! It was a crazy crazy time! Keith was working on his Masters, I was working 2 jobs, teaching health classes at the YMCA, talking extra college classses, pregnant-including morning sickness, indescribable fatigue, and then we went through the process and bought our first home & MOVED!
All of that taught me a lot, A LOT! and through it all we decided that it wasn't right (at least not yet) to apply to PA school. I felt like my passions had shifted some-and if I were going to do this, I would need to do it with EVERYTHING I had.
God's timing is perfect..April 13, 2010 we welcomed our new baby..everything we had been doing (outside of Keith getting his Master's) had ended, except for my per diem ATC gig.
....so leaving some things out here...I have been home with my now, 2 sweet girls for over 2.5 years with Noel and a year and a half with Mila, and it has been amazing, hard, rewarding, depressing, loving, frustrating, incredible, and disappointing...and I could go on and on.
But now lingering in the balance is a chance for me to be full-time at my current job. The job that I love, love love. And the timing, well the timing seems perfect. But it's been months of hoping, with nothing official posted...so I wait...
It's completely out of my control...
I've decided that in a time of waiting, sometimes God calls us to fast, so that we can switch our focus, be focused on what He is saying to us-rid distractions!
So comes...facebook...I do, in fact enjoy facebook. I love keeping up with people, to be social, to post my thoughts.
But for now..facebook is on vacation until I get an answer or at least clarity about what is going on with my career. It's been a long time coming...and though things seem good..there will be transition. So it needs prayer. So for now..adios facebook...and we'll catch up later!

meal planning

This is literally one of  THE  best things we have instituted in our family!
It took us a while to make this a regular thing. We would do it off and on, and say, "hey! that makes things so much easier!" but then we would stray and be lazy and do the usual, run to the grocery store and hope we would find inspiration there. What we did find, what frustration and a larger grocery bill!
I believe that having 2 children under the age of 3 also helped us implement our meal planning, as in, if you can get in and out of Wegmans, with everyone alive and some milk= you are doing pretty well!
So really there is no science to it and I have found the motivation to do this gets easier and easier, because either way I have to make a grocery list!
We sit down with our planners/phones and look at the week. What do we have going on? Are there nights one of us is going to be late, or we're going to run in from work and run right back out for something else?
How much prep can I do before work, how much will be left for whoever gets home first? And of course, just what do we feel like?-that changes with the season too of course!
So that's it, I plug all my needed products into my Wegman's app and it puts my items in walking order for the store! If I get distracted by a 1 year old wanting more animal crackers or climbing out of the cart, I have my list. I know exactly what I need and NO thinking needs to be done @ the store.
VICTORY!
We have also found we spend less, we're not throwing extra things in the cart. We don't have fresh produce etc. going bad before getting around to it.
When we get home from work we don't' have to think, when we're tired and the girls are hungry...what do you we feel like? and do we have the stuff to make it?
One negative from this whole thing. We are mostly out of food before getting to the grocery store again! So come the end of the week, it's like OKAY...let's get moving we need to get to the store ASAP!
Of course we make extra runs on occasion for milk, fresh bread for soup, etc.
RESOLUTION: Keep it up! We eat more well rounded meals and makes the working week 800x easier!

happy new year! happy new me!

It's 2013 and there is something about the beginning of a new year that makes us reflect on the past year and make resolutions for making the next year even better!
Keith and I sat down and made some lists...we are list people, of what were some goals we had for ourselves, our family, and our jobs. I really liked the point that he made, that before he started his list he wanted to write down what he was thankful for in 2012...and made a nice long list.
He began to make a list of things he wished he'd done better, and stopped, what good would that do now?
Move forward! Reflection is one thing, but regret is another.
So here we are pledging to be better, to be happier. Even though we are already happy, can't we all strive to be happier than we are already?
So without listing all the things we/I want to change or do better this year. I am going to use this blog as a way to encourage myself to keep going. To keep myself accountable to making positive changes.
Happy 2013 Pursuit of Green....lets see how we do!