the burden of criticism.
it penetrates so deeply.
is so hurtful.

To Whom It May Concern:
Instead of judging so harshly the decisions I make,
Would it not be better and more encouraging for all involved to take a different route?

Sometimes I need to hear. (or at least would like to hear). Because I believe I had something to do with this.

"Wow, your kids are amazing, and smart, and healthy, and so loved."

"You must be such a great mom! What a great job you are doing with your kids!"

making judgement from outside my heart and head, the tough decisions that I make for the best of me. that includes what is best for my family.

Tell me I'm doing a good job.
Build me up.
Don't break me down.

folly

Proverbs 14

29

He who is slow to anger has great understanding,

But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

30

A tranquil heart is life to the body,

But passion is rottenness to the bones.

void

I seek you
I find light
then there is void
I put my faith in you
I feel your presence
then nothings.
Why do you come and then leave my heart aching?
Sometimes as the saying goes. "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."
But I wonder how true this is?
If you have never loved, you have only imagined love
If you have truly experienced love-and then lost it. THAT is soul crushing
We may be lonely if we have not loved.
But at least we are not crushed.
But I can only speak of a heart that has loved
that has loved deeply. what void would I feel is worse?
the void of love.
or
the void of lost love.
which crushes our spirits more?
God I seek of you THIS answer.
I know that I have not lost love deeply
for I can only morbidly imagine the blow to my being that would be.
but any love that is present, then gone-leaves longing
is this all you want from us?
to be longing for love?
that is our existence
that is all we crave
all we truly need
love.
do not withhold your love any longer
do not allow us to suffer in this place. any longer!
why must we battle a fight that is already won?
If it is won, why must we continue to put on our armor to lift up our shield and sword?
Are we not invincible because of YOUR sacrifice?
Remove us from this evil place. Our evil souls
and bring us to a place where we can finally experience TRUE, UNENDING, LOVE.

Why do I suffer over choice- to come to an answer, that is the one I cannot have?
With so much evil and deceit how do we separate from our evil selves and hear only your sweet voice?
I seek you with little patience. forgive me
I long for blessings upon blessings. forgive me
I yearn to get ahead, yet you call us to be last. forgive me.
I ask for what I feel I deserve but you do not deliver that. thank you. and forgive me.
Let you will be done and your kingdom come