folly

Proverbs 14

29

He who is slow to anger has great understanding,

But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

30

A tranquil heart is life to the body,

But passion is rottenness to the bones.

void

I seek you
I find light
then there is void
I put my faith in you
I feel your presence
then nothings.
Why do you come and then leave my heart aching?
Sometimes as the saying goes. "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."
But I wonder how true this is?
If you have never loved, you have only imagined love
If you have truly experienced love-and then lost it. THAT is soul crushing
We may be lonely if we have not loved.
But at least we are not crushed.
But I can only speak of a heart that has loved
that has loved deeply. what void would I feel is worse?
the void of love.
or
the void of lost love.
which crushes our spirits more?
God I seek of you THIS answer.
I know that I have not lost love deeply
for I can only morbidly imagine the blow to my being that would be.
but any love that is present, then gone-leaves longing
is this all you want from us?
to be longing for love?
that is our existence
that is all we crave
all we truly need
love.
do not withhold your love any longer
do not allow us to suffer in this place. any longer!
why must we battle a fight that is already won?
If it is won, why must we continue to put on our armor to lift up our shield and sword?
Are we not invincible because of YOUR sacrifice?
Remove us from this evil place. Our evil souls
and bring us to a place where we can finally experience TRUE, UNENDING, LOVE.

Why do I suffer over choice- to come to an answer, that is the one I cannot have?
With so much evil and deceit how do we separate from our evil selves and hear only your sweet voice?
I seek you with little patience. forgive me
I long for blessings upon blessings. forgive me
I yearn to get ahead, yet you call us to be last. forgive me.
I ask for what I feel I deserve but you do not deliver that. thank you. and forgive me.
Let you will be done and your kingdom come

analysis

we battle through this life-
we try to be IN this world & not OF it
we know this is not our eternity, yet we're here, for God knows (respectfully) how long. 

so we stumble in the darkness searching for some light.
sometimes I feel like God doesn't answer- He just teaches

Seek Him only and all else will fall into place.

Surrender to His will & your desires will be fulfilled. 

6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. 10After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 11To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. [1 Peter 5:6-11]

Wow this is good for today! 
Teach me. Amen. 

Half full

While at work today I read this...
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill

distraction

How do we know what is God's opportunity vs what is a distraction?
It's being relational with God. 
You know if you heard someone say something about a friend, you would know if it were true because you know the character of your friend.
Why do I question the character of God?

I read this today...

Do you want to know God’s plan for your life? Are you willing to say yes to it before you really know what it is? Hmmm, that’s a hard question, isn’t it? Somewhere we got the idea that God puts things on a menu board and gives us the privilege of selecting those things we prefer.

That’s not how it works. God doesn’t give us a list of possibilities from which to choose; He gives us specific instructions. God wants to do incredible things in your life. He is waiting for you to have an attitude of unconditional obedience. If you want to evaluate the options before making a decision, you’ll continue living the way you are living.

It feels like such a contrast to what I typed yesterday.
This brings confusion and distraction. 
My friend says..."God takes you the easiest way you'll go"
I do believe that God provides opportunity, that doesn't mean that He doesn't want us to choose a certain path. But it teaches us to seek Him, to learn His character, recognize His voice, His truth. 

I started my Facebook fast on Thursday-writing a post of my career history and desires
Friday [the next day] the full-time job was posted.
I started a Pinterest fast on Monday-that night I learned I had an interview the following day.
RESPONSE to fasting.... & then a curve ball...an offer for part-time <-Enter confusion here.
So is this an opportunity to evaluate my desires? Or is this confusion?
years of wanting something get muffled in a days notice? typing makes me feel like the answer is easy & clear.
If I follow my desires, it will place me where God wants me to be. 
As soon as I begin to verbalize my decision, confusion comes....
Today the pursuit will be after God!

decision

God is so creative. He is provisional with opportunity.

He knows the plans he has set out for us.
I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.." [Jeremiah 29:11 the message]

Yet, He still allows for our free will.
Even in a world full of mistakes, He loves us enough to give us options.
Allows us to make decisions

"Life is full of tough choices, isn't it?"-Ursula/The Little Mermaid

What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. 
[Matthew 6: 30-33ish the message]

purging

Although this word seems un-appealing, it truly is a peace-maker de-stresser, make life easier thing.
I truly believe that we should always be in a constant mind state of  'purging' the un-neeeded in our lives. Re-evaluated what is needed, what is useful & what would be more useful somewhere else to someone else. Sometimes that may even be decomposing in the ground somewhere.
I have this fear, this fear of accumulating too many things. I actually get this strange anxiety when things (new, used, hand-me-downs) enter my home. There are so many times I look around and think. "where oh where did all this stuff come from"
believe me.
having kids.
makes this harder.
(but doesn't having kids make everything harder better) :)

I suppose I am mostly talking about material things that we let clog up the arteries of our homes.
But don't other non-material things also clog up our thoughts, our day?
i.e. worrying, over-analyzing, judging others...insert appropriate scripture here :)

I cleaned out my closet, this is so exhilarating, wow I'm an exciting person, I know...I'm 30 now!
It's almost like getting a new wardrobe! who am I kidding, it's nothing like getting a new wardrobe, getting a new wardrobe would be like finding out you won the fashion lottery!....but err it still feels pretty good.

I'm always in the mindset, apologies to my sweet husband...of cleaning up and cleaning out!
next on my list is the attic!

But I think we need to take time to evaluate our thoughts and what needs to be cleaned out. What are things we make ourselves believe. Make ourselves feel like we need-or things that just make us feel.
I always say this little prayer. "God take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to you"
I might almost be making it a religious thing, but it does make me stop-thinking, and start listening, and it's like God purges my mind.

Takes me thoughts captive.
Makes them obedient to His will-to His desires for me, His daughter, His princess, His Loved.

God can be very gentle and quiet.
if we just rid the clutter, the analyzing the worrying the lies we tell ourselves or let others tell us
He's there, telling us-I'm here for you. I'll give you all you need, and often His answers are far more simple than we try to make them.
He is never too little, He is never excess....He is enough.